New Things

I feel like I say this a lot, but it's been a while since I've posted anything. I've decided to keep up with it better and post more often. It really helps me when I put my thoughts out to the world. I know for many that may be overwhelming, but for me it is a way of release. I made this blog to help myself and to inspire others and while that itself is cliché, it really is true. Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm strange for blogging about my thoughts and taking pictures of my meals, but I have to remind myself that this is what works for me. In it's own way, this all helps me stay on track and while I still get off track, I am way better off than I was over a year ago. If you've read my posts before, you know that before I was diagnosed with my eating disorder and anxiety issues, I really enjoyed food. I did a complete flip when it came to food back when I was a sophomore in high school. I went from eating McDonalds and drinking pop each day to becoming a veggie head. I can't even fathom putting the crap I used to put in my mouth now. It's so strange that before this change happened, I HATED the idea of changing my lifestyle. My family and I watched a documentary called Food Inc. (A fantastic film that everyone should watch.) This documentary showed that truth behind the food industry and how many lies we were being told about our food.

 Monsanto, a company many people know about, but what is so bad about them? This huge industrial agricultural corporation started in the 80's as a chemical company. This company produced Agent Orange and sold dairy cow hormones rBGH, the artificial sweetener Aspartame, and what it is most known for-GMO's or genetically modified organisms. These are living organisms whose genetic material has been artificially manipulated through genetic engineering. This creates unstable viral genes that do not occur in nature or through traditional crossbreeding methods. Most GMO's are engineered to withstand direct application of herbicide application and/or to produce an insecticide. Despite claims by Monsanto, this does not increase nutrition, yield, or any other benefit. It has shown links to environmental damage, health problems, and violation of farmers' and consumers' rights. Also, a side note, Monsanto even has a patent on seeds. A living product, something that grows and is our fuel. Imagine someone being denied food, that is basically what Monsanto is in allowed to do. I could keep going on and on about this, but I will leave that to the experts. Check out the "nongmoproject.org" for more information.

After we watched that film, we slowly started changing and it was not easy. However, we all made a change for the better. I lost some weight that was causing me injuries, got rid of my allergies, and was hardly sick anymore. It was a miracle and it was all without medication! This is another reason why my blog is called "Let Food Be Thy Medicine" because food really is that answer to health. It isn't about how many Advil you can pop in your mouth, it is about the food you eat. 

I fell in love with food, but in a whole new way. Now, later on down the road, my eating habits fell apart and my eating disorder got the best of me. It took away my love for food and ended me up almost on my death bad under 100 lbs at 5'9' with my heart barely beating.

Treatment saved my life. I can't thank the people at Laureate enough. I can't thank my parents enough either because the amount of stress and worry they had to go through isn't even comparable. Now, while I still have struggles each day, I am so glad to be in a better place and finding that love for wholesome foods again. That is what this blog is for, to help me find it again. Food is not the enemy it is the complete opposite. The war between loving my body rather than treating it as a hideous creature takes a lot of work, but I know one day it will be easier. Key word: One day.

This post already turned into a ramble rather than an update. Anyway, I have a wonderful dietician now that helped me from sinking into relapse. She and I share a lot of the same values on food and she is just one of the sweetest women I've met. She also specializes in athletic nutrition which is great for someone like me who loves to moooove. (In moderation and not overexerting myself, of course. Still something I work on..) She also believes in organic and pure foods and knows that healing and nourishing your body is key.

I have also made the biggest decision of my life. I dropped out of school again. Yes, again. Sigh. It just didn't feel right being a dance major anymore. I love to dance and always will, but after a year, I just realized I didn't want the degree anymore. I can dance my whole life without a BFA in Dance and I would much rather be doing something else. I was originally going to transfer to Colorado and major in Creative Writing, but it was wayyyy to expensive unless I got a massive scholarship. Then, my mom and I were in the car discussing where to go and she go silent for a moment and said "Why don't you study in Tallinn? Where I studied? At Tartu." Talk about WHOA. I went from being a long drive away to another country. My birthplace. My real home. My roots. It was one of those things that was just impossible enough to work. I looked online and the tuition price was perfect. Thank you, Europe for understanding that education is important and that I don't need to pay an arm and a leg to study. The tuition is beyond affordable and I haven't been back to Estonia since I was 5 years old. I even lost the ability to speak Estonian because I stopped speaking it when I moved to the US. I didn't want to be the little foreign girl with an accent. Stubborn me, ugh. I decided to contact the school and they mentioned that I was a fit candidate for this scholarship that made things even more perfect. This scholarship was for people who are Estonian citizens, but have been out of the country for more than 5 years. HELLO, ME. This would cover all the tuition, give me a monthly allowance, and 2 paid trips back home. This crazy adventure was screaming right in my face and I decided to take it. I applied for the scholarship and now, I must wait for a response. The worst part is waiting, I don't think I've ever checked my email this much.

For most people, leaving the country and knowing absolutely nobody would be terrifying, but to me it sounds beyond thrilling. I recently found out that I have a half brother and sister living in Finland, so meeting then will be wonderful. In terms of what I will be studying, the scholarship is to study Estonian for a full year. Hopefully by then I will have it picked up and can speak it somewhat fluently. After that I want to stay there and get my BA in Psychology. I really love working with thoughts, energies, and people. Psychology has been one of my favorite subjects since high school. It really speaks to me. After that, I want to get my Masters in Arts in Social Sciences focusing on Wellness and Spa Service and Design Management. With that, I want to open up my own business-a wellness clinic. No, not a hospital, but a place to heal spiritually, mentally, and physically. I want it to have all aspects that help me because if it helps me, I know it can help others, too. I want it to have a yoga studio, a place to just relax and talk, shelves of herbs and teas, etc. etc. You can call it a hippie haven or whatever you'd like, but I want to call it a place to reset and renew. I want people to come to this place and know they can leave there stresses, worries, and anxieties at the door. I want a place where I can walk barefoot (I despise shoes). I want a place that is comforting and inviting for people. A place to heal and a place to grow. I was inspired by the yoga studio I currently go to. It is run by a mother and daughter and has the best atmosphere you can imagine. It isn't just a place you come in and do your practice and leave. It has a warm healing feel to it and it has become a second home almost. Not just to me, but to all the people that go there for their practice. You are greeted with the warmest of smiles and within the first 5 minutes you already feel renewed. The setup of the studio is so home-like that is creates a pleasant environment and as I looked down at my feet one day, barefoot and all, I realized I wanted something like this. I want a place where people can come in, take their shoes off and let go of their bad energies. Whether it is to practice yoga, dance, talk, sip tea and green smoothies, or just read. I want to have that. So much.

Now, from experience, I know this won't be a linear path and that I will have many mishaps along the way, but I know this time. I know this won't be a perfect path and that is okay. I will take all the side roads and U-turns, but that doesn't mean I won't be moving forward also.

I want to go back to my roots, take my language back, and change the world one downward dog at a time, one pirouette at a time, one kale salad at time, one laugh and cry at a time. Fingers crossed.

Namaste.